Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
