in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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