Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
