you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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