it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
