i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
