we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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