I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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