I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
