Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
