She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
