I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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