I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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