He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
