I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
