Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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