there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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