I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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