There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
