It's like God shit irony all over that family
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
