Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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