So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
