I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
