I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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