EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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