His pubic hair was longer than his dick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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