Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
