I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
