i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
