Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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