So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
