ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I want is dick and wine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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