she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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