found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
