Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How's work?
Spinning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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