He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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