He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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