Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
