i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
