my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
