I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize