I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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