I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
