I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
