there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
