My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
