I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
