good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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