office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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