I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
