I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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