did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
