So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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