happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
