Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
