well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
