Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
