that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
