i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
