:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
