i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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