did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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