dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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