You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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