Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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